Blondi

Master again shouts at the small person called “Gerbils”. He looks weak like Master, though weaker still, because Gerbils is not Master. Master is supreme. Master tells Blondi so. Gerbils says apologies to Master. Pathetic Gerbils. Blondi has been in Gerbils’ moving pictures with Master and the Hag Master loves. Master loves Blondi more than the Hag. Master tells Blondi so. Hag has bedded those who look very much like Master, but do not smell like Master. Could she not tell? Or was this treachery? Stupid Hag…and her stupid terriers.

Gerbils’ goes away after stabbing the air with his hand, like all the others do. Stupid Gerbils. Blondi does not swat at ghosts. Blondi shouts at them. Master goes to his desk and slaps it. He is frustrated. This does not bode well for Blondi. The telephone rings. Master places it to his ear. Blondi can hear the Hag’s voice as if she were in the room. Hag will not come home tonight. There is cinema somewhere with friends. Master agrees with whatever Hag says and says he loves her. Blondi hears a click. Master drops into his chair, defeated. Master begins to weep. This also does not bode well for Blondi. Master calls Blondi and Blondi rushes to his side, because unlike Master’s friends (and those two idiot terriers), Blondi is loyal. Not very happy, but loyal. Dogs are loyal. Humans are not loyal. Except for Master, of course. He would never harm Blondi. *

Master asks Blondi if Blondi loves Master. Master is Master, Blondi tells Master with a shout. Blondi must love Master. Master asks Blondi if Master is übermench. Sure, why not? Blondi shouts. Blondi knows where this is going…

Master wipes eye water away as he removes his top fur. He calls Blondi a good girl as he removes his second top fur. Master begins to weep as he removes his bottom fur and paw skins. Master’s body is a conundrum to Blondi. How could a human be both bones and saggy at the same time? And what Master calls his “wand” is no more than a tiny toadstool mushroom draping halfway over a shriveled pouch containing a single pea. Humans are difficult to look at. Master tiptoes to his steamer trunk and opens it. Blondi barely stifles a sharp whine. Blondie does not enjoy what comes when Master is sad, or angry, or confused, or scared.

Out from the trunk Master pulls the blonde human fur, and places it on his head. Next comes the platform blocks upon which Master will stand after placing them in front of the mirror. Master carefully inserts blue plastic eyes over his own. Finally, Master removes the jar of peanut butter from the trunk and walks to the tall mirror. Master applies a large amount of the goop to his undercarriage (front and back), then turns to Blondi.

“Leck deinen Meister.” Master commands as he weeps. Blondi must obey. Blondi is loyal. Master loves Blondi. Blondi wishes the Hag and her two stupid terriers were here.

 

*On April 29 1945, Hitler thought the cyanide capsules given to him by Dickbag Himmler might be a sham, so he had one given to Blondi, who, (surprise!) died. Fuck Hitler, and fuck Nazis old and new.

 

©PeterHammarberg 2020

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